Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
