I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
