Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
