i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize