My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
