dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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