just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
