Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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