Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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