Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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