He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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