Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
