I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
