The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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