Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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