i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
