I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
