can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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