I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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