I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
