I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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