I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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