I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
