If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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