Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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