you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
