What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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