why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
