She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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