Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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