"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
