Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
