"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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