In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
