does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
