if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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