??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
