Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
