I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
