She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
