If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
