plz talk dirty to me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
