We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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