Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
