dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this just has baby written all over it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
