I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
