im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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