Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
