we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
