bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
