i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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