I'm really into asian looking animals
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
