She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
