I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize